1. I think motherhood is the hardest job ever and being mum to twins plus a young boy is like a double whammy. I think it’s only when we stop we realise exactly how difficult it can be and its so normal to have those feelings. I popped into work the other day to discuss my Hours and read the cv of a new guy joining. I actually thought “wow, he has a life!” Because he had so many hobbies listed. I can’t even think of two things I do for myself anymore (well, one is the blog I guess!!). I know our little ones are totally worth not having a life of our own but I think it’s so easy to run on empty and not have any “us” or “me” time. I hope the huge heart to heart helped lots xx

    • Thanks Tas, you’re so right! I think I’ve reached the point when I actually have pockets of time to myself and I’m at a bit of a loss what to do with them! All those things you used to do before kids feel like they belong in a different time, don’t you just hate it when you see what people without kids get up to, haha! xx

  2. I loved this post Hayely. SO honest and open, and whilst I am sorry and feel for you at what you have been going through, sometimes these moments, however hard to pass through, do make us better and more aware as parents dont they?? I too at times find motherhood such a challenge, and there are moments and periods where I feel im in a rut or lacking and I get emotional too, not to mention drained and feeling like im doing a naff job of it all. But like you say they bring us so much, the pics show the happy and joyful moments of childhood we have given them, and its good you are so aware of your emotions etc to know somethings wasn’t right and that getting it out gave some clarity.

    I cannot begin to imagine the challenge and intensity of raising twins, but whilst draining you seem to have produced some amazing little guys x

    • Thank you so much Mary, that is really kind. I was so nervous about writing this and it’s nice to know that other’s feel the same. You can always see the best in other parents before you can see it in yourself, especially in blogging when you’re surrounded by inspirational ladies (like you!) it’s hard to admit that you don’t feel quite right. Thank you for your lovely comment xx

    • Ah thank you Georgia, I wasn’t sure about publishing it but I’m glad I did – sometimes we don’t have it all together even if we look like we do and that’s ok xxx

  3. Ah yes, I do understand and can relate. I do think as they get older and the treadmill slows a little it can be really hard – that’s when I started studying again, so my time remains filled and I continue to feel purposeful. Not for everyone, but that’s what I needed! I only said to my husband the other day that when I finish this I’ll probably need to do a Masters and then what?! i think being at home it’s so easy to fall into the same things every day trap and to stop really enjoying the children. I’m aware I get like this, so have to make an effort to pull me back to it and remain present to really focus on them. Hope you’re feeling a bit steadier now, and I guess I’d just say know that it’s normal and OK. I go through this anyway, so it’s my normal x

    • Thanks Jocelyn, it’s good to hear that others go through it! It’s weird isn’t it, getting a bit of time back to yourself and wondering what to do with it. You’re studying sounds like a great way to use your time and I think it’s amazing that you are doing that. I think I need to start thinking about focussing on something like that for the future! xx

  4. I think we all reach this point, Hayley. You’re not alone and you’re not a terrible mother for feeling that way. I put it down to the fact that much like when you go on holiday and slow down, you sometimes get ill, when your children don’t need you as much, your body and brain almost shut down because they haven’t had a chance to do since the children were born. One of my biggest battles is not being able to do what I want, when I want and always having to wait until the boys are in bed. It’s hard when you can never put yourself first or take a break. But we have each other to talk to as well, if you ever need to. We get through these days out of sheer love and with the knowledge that there’s gin waiting for us at the end and a good gossip xxx

    • Thank you Rachel, you’re right of course, it always feels like parenting is still such a learning curve and sometimes my head has to catch up with how quickly things move along! A gin and a gossip, I need to do that more even if just via internet 🙂 xxx

  5. Loved reading this Hayley and I can so relate to this…although I can’t imagine having twins!!! I think I can have very high expectations of myself and such strong opinions of what I should be doing…which most of the time I’m thankful for because they keep me motivated and focussed…and make me happy. They used to get on top of me, but now I don’t worry about having a lazy day here and there, or feeling less motivated now and then. I love what you said about Lucas – being hyper aware that you are shaping a person. Every time I look at Winston at the moment I get overwhelmed with how I feel about shaping him. It is such a huge responsibility isn’t it? and I love when you said that new worries replace old ones – again this is so current with Winston. I have learnt more about life and myself in the last 4 years than I have in the other 24! It’s such an incredible journey xx

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