Those Moments

 

It suddenly seems that those baby moments are starting to pass us by and I honestly didn’t expect to feel as sad as I do. I don’t think there will be anymore children added to our family, my heart says yes but I know practically we just couldn’t do it! Last week I started to sort through the small baby clothes to be passed on or sent to a charity shop and this extra little pile of clothes started to appear that I didn’t want to part with. Silly, but they held memories and I could remember either the twins or Lucas in them. I could remember the first time they were in them, who bought the outfit for them or if they wore it on a special occasion. All these details burnt into my memory like photographs. I just couldn’t bear to pass them on, not quite yet. I’ll have to go through them again when I’m not being quite as sentimental but I never expected to feel like this. I always thought it would be a relief when we could have a big of clear out, make a bit of space; we held onto everything from Lucas knowing we would like more children but now I have to let it go it’s more difficult than I imagined.

This week we’ve dropped the late feed too; we usually get them up before we go to bed for that last feed to see them through the night. However, they are taking enough in the day and we were having to wake them for the feed so I decided to let them sleep. I felt bereft as I went to bed without seeing them. It is one of my favourite moments with the boys when we go into them and get sleepy cuddles before bringing them into our bedroom for a feed. They are so sleepy, warm and cuddly, silently grinning as they hear our voices even while their eyes are still closed. I was half hoping they would wake up but no they slept right through till their usual time. It kind of tugs at my emotions, feeling genuinely upset knowing that these moments are behind is but knowing that that is what babies do, they grow up and they become little people with their own characters.

I love seeing each stage and how they change and grow but with Lucas it always seemed like I was waiting, desperate for that next development and the fun that came with it. Each stage was eagerly looked out for and celebrated but now I’m not quite as eager for them to hurry up. Brandon will roll a couple of times to reach for things and Arthur is close to sitting up; it’s amazing to see them doing something new but also sad that those baby moments are behind us forever.

When I was sat in bed last night, wishing I was cuddling the boys my husband reminded me of everything we have to look forward to. He looks forward to the twins being older because he has so much fun with Lucas. They have a blast whether it’s wrestling, building or just a good old fashioned imaginary game and it cheered me up thinking of the four of them all playing together.

I sometimes catch my breath when I see all three of my boys and think how did I get here; three years ago it was just us two and now we have the most incredible and unexpected family. It’s hard to describe how I feel when I see my boys together; I am so proud that they are mine. It is special to see Lucas, Arthur and Brandon growing up together. I wouldn’t change it for anything and I will enjoy every new stage but it all passes so quickly it makes me want to cherish those baby moments even more.

Boys

 

10 Comments

  1. Oh Hayley this is such an emotional but lovely post!!!! I am feeling the same way with Arthur’s 1st birthday tomorrow. I too can’t bear to throw anything away and for now I can use the excuse of us wanting more children but I know I will be the same when we are ‘done’. They change so fast and so much in what feels like no time!! *sob* xxxx

  2. Oh Hayley this just made me cry my eyes out. What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful family. MM turns 1 years old tomorrow and I am feeling all emotional about it. giving away all these things to the charity shop as well and there will be no more babies in this house. I now have two tots and that baby phase will never visit again and i am getting all emotional about it. time goes way too fast. And my heart wants more but money wise we just couldn’t do it. Especially flying back and forth to my family in america I would never see them with three. So I am grateful for my two but wish time would just slow down so i could take it in more. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. you have the most beautiful family ever. #sharewithme

  3. Ahh this is a brilliantly lovely post – It goes by so quickly doesn’t it? I don’t even know how it happens when we spend every waking minute with them sometimes. It took my up until last week to part with Little Zs baby clothes. Made me so sad – I’ve no idea if we’re extending our little family but I thought the time had come to part with them. It is true, there will be so many wonderfully happy times ahead. Lots of hugs xx

  4. We are sharing our sentimental moments I think. What comes through most is your love and joy for your family-it’s this that keeps us strong when we’re having a wobble about them growing I think 🙂 xx

  5. You’re right, the baby stages do fly by so, so quickly. I find it hard to remember a time before children, before our LP. But like you it was just three years ago that it was just Hubby and I. How fast those three years have gone! x

  6. Aww look at all the babies!! Having 3 boys as they get older is going to be so fun. Your house will always be filled with love and craziness… but in the best way! I’m having a hard time knowing what to do with my daughter’s things as well. I am pretty sure I won’t be having another child given I’m a single mom (haha) but what if in 10 years I do and wish I hadn’t donated her things? Butttt am I really going to hold on to ALL of these things for 10 years just in case? Good luck with your cleaning

  7. Oh Hayley, I had tears in my eyes reading this. I know exactly how you feel. Each milestone is met with joy but also a little sorry. My littlest is on the verge of dropping his feeds completely now but I’m eek out the bedtime one for as long as I can. Definitely no more children for me. I’m okay with that. I don’t want anymore, I’d just like my boys to be my babies for a little bit longer.

  8. I am trying to hold back the tears! Such a lovely post and I know how you feel. I have had a wobble this week with Sophia turning 6 months, but also proud of my girls and loving the new stages the both of them are going through. Oh it’s made me all emotional xx

  9. Gorgeous, gorgeous post! Our favourite feed is the late feed too. I am going to miss it when he drops it in a few weeks time. We always have such a happy time together. Seriously cute kids! I would love twins!!! x

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