When the twins came along me and my husband have made an effort to spend time alone with Lucas so he gets a chance to have our full attention. If we had only had one baby this would mean that we would also have had chance to give the youngest some extra one on one time but having twins means that actually this rarely happens. I wrote a post last year about keeping twins individuality and at the time I struggled to imagine a time when we would take them out separately but as they are getting older I can see such massive benefits of spending time with just one twin.
This last week Boo wasn’t napping for as long, or he would fall asleep in the pushchair before Bear and wake up as we got home. This meant he would be able to have me all to his self for half an hour or so. It was a nice day so I was putting the washing out while he pottered around the garden so when I had finished I sat on the grass with him and played and chatted. He was so cute and funny, it’s amazing how different they can both be when they don’t have to compete with each other. There are no little whinges or squabbles, Boo isn’t as independent as Bear so he kept bringing me toys to play with or came to sit on my knee and have a cuddle. He ran through the washing giggling when I shouted peekaboo and just seemed so calm and relaxed. He seems to need that time more than Bear who is more laid back. It was lovely and I saw a totally different side to him, he could really shine when it was just him.
It’s made me realise that I need to make an effort to do things with them individually. For the first year or so with twins it really is just about survival but it is getting easier all the time. I can start to make time for those extra things I couldn’t even envisage when I wrote my post last year. I don’t think we have ever gone out the house with only one twin but we’ve never had to. If I’m honest it would feel quite strange to go out with one and leave one at home but of course there will come a stage when that is inevitable. I want to find the balance between keeping them close as brothers and letting them have time to themselves and I think the key to it is stepping back and treating their relationship in a similar way to how I do between them and Lucas.
I can see that they need that time alone with one of us and I feel like I can see their personalities so much clearer when they are on their own. They will play together well but when I’m around they do tend to squabble, one wants to be the only one on my knee or the only one reading a book or sitting on the chair. Although I always tell them to share I guess that if there was only one of them they wouldn’t have to fight for my attention so much and they would have that time to just be themselves without wondering what the other one was up to.
Having spent a lovely sunny afternoon with Boo I now need to find time to do the same with Bear…and then with Lucas as well! Spending time with one can be just as important as time together as a family.
10 Comments
Such a gorgeous post and look how far you have come from last year – I remember reading that post. Having three to share your time with must be demanding. It can be difficult. I know Jess and her hubby spend individual time with their children. I can’t do that but also would miss the other too much – hee hee. our boys are all just so gorgeous hun, you are dong a marvellous job. xxxx
June 23, 2015 at 12:00 pmI have started to make a real effort to make 1 on 1 with Charlie but definitely think I should start more with the girls too. I’ve said when they’re older I’ll set aside one day per month where one gets to pick what just me & them do xx
June 23, 2015 at 5:04 pmAw how cute! I’m glad you got to spend alone time with one. As they get older I bet you’ll have even more time to spend with them individually. You’re such a good momma 🙂
June 23, 2015 at 8:10 pmI love having time with A and T individually but with twins I know it must be so much harder to have that individual time. Looks like you had fun! x
June 23, 2015 at 10:57 pmI take my hat off to all twin mummies – I have difficulty splitting my time between a toddler and baby! I can see why it’s so important to make time for both twins individually to help them develop their personalities. They’ll be treated as a pair at so many other times in the young lives that it’s good you can give them a taste of solo time #sharewithme
June 24, 2015 at 3:14 pmOh Hayley Boo is so beautiful those eyes are just gorgeous, it must be hard finding time when you have twins when there is an age gab they are off doing other things aren’t they, but I bet you have a great balance you are so calm i bet nothing phases you lovely x
June 25, 2015 at 11:00 pmThat last photo of the two of you is beautiful! I sometimes struggle to get time alone with my boys so it must be hugely difficult when you have three. My eldest has quite a dominant personality so the littlest tends to get dragged around/in to what his brother wants to do. I sometimes feel like I don’t know him quite as well because of it. Thanks heavens he’s a seriously relaxed child because if both fought for my attention, I’m not sure how I’d cope.
June 26, 2015 at 9:40 pmWell I don’t know how any mums of twins do it! I struggled with a seven and a half year age difference between individual children. Your boys always look so happy and smiley Hayley, they are all gorgeous xx
June 27, 2015 at 8:00 amI really need to start making time for some one-one time. but with 4 kids it just doesnt ever happen! Dean work 6 days a week and we don’t have anyone that can really come and baby sit the rest of them. I wih we could find the prefect formula, but it just doesnt happen 🙁
June 29, 2015 at 8:06 pmOh what a beautiful post and it’s so important to have one on one with every child I think. It really means as much to them as it does us parents. I think thats amazing that you got this moment with him. I bet he loved every second of it. Who doesn’t like full attention sometimes when there is so much going on around them most of the time. I know in a family of eight the days I had just me and my mommy were the very best and I still remember them at 31 years old. 🙂 Lovely post Hayley. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
July 1, 2015 at 6:52 am