When September Comes

When September comes I know it will be hard. The actual day that Lucas starts school isn’t that scary; we’ve been going there nearly everyday for the last year. Every afternoon we have walked to the school gates and he has gone into nursery without a care. He has enjoyed it, he has made friends and already become a part of that school community. I have no worries about the school as I know it is the right place for him. And yet, when I think of that day my stomach flips. All the logic goes out of my head and I can see the bigger picture. It is overwhelming to think that this is the start; it is the start of a world without me, a place I don’t have much input in, somewhere for him to develop without my influence. He will go into school that day and won’t even be aware that this is the start of such a huge part of his young life. That’s the role of the parent, we’ll oversee this journey for them and carry the burdens, try to keep them innocent and let them enjoy it for as long as they can. Then he can just see the fun, the new classroom, the new teacher, new friends, the excitement of learning and seeing the world differently. It’s harder than I thought it would be to let go and encourage the independence. It is something that I know must happen but still I don’t feel quite ready for it. I am trying instead to think of something else. When September comes it is a special time for me and the twins. I am able to give them something they have in very limited supply: me. Being the younger child means that they never know that feeling of having a parent all to themselves, unfortunately when you have twins that really isn’t an option but at least having the whole day with them is something different. A whole day to do something they would love to do. When I think of everything I did with Lucas at this age I am ashamed to admit that the twins haven’t had even half of those experiences. We don’t actually go anywhere because our day is split up with the walk to school, eating, getting ready and it leaves little time for anything else. I want to start taking them to playgroups, to the library and we can can go up to the park and have a run round. As soon as we drop Lucas off at school we have the whole day to do as we please. I can actually be with them more without having to divide my attention and I’ll see things that I’ve been missing in the dash to get out the house on time. As I get ready to send Lucas off to school I am even more aware of how much I have enjoyed spending my days with him. It isn’t always easy and some days I count down the minutes until bedtime though gritted teeth but being the one to watch him grow has been something I will forever be grateful for. These years before school won’t come again and they pass quicker than you realise. I hope I have made the most of them with Lucas and I’ll try my best to do the same with the twins. That’s why when September comes I do actually have something amazing to look forward to. It is my time with the twins, our chance to get out explore new things, the make memories but also out time to slow down and just be together.