This week I nervously sat in a school hall, surrounded by other parents, as I waited anxiously for our very first meeting with Lucas’ pre-school. Way on back in October we had to make a decision about where he would go. I don’t have a car so we were fairly limited in options but I always would have preferred him to go to a nursery attached to a school and luckily, there is a great one a short walk from our house. He got his place and early this month we had a letter telling us he had a afternoon slot and that we could visit the school one evening for a meeting. I hadn’t really given it too much thought (I don’t have much time for that anymore) so before I knew it we were on our way to the school, I was given a information folder with his name on and we took our places amongst the other parents. I leant over to my husband and whispered that I was nervous, I think it suddenly hit me that this is a whole new level of responsibility! We’ve been safely cocooned in our own little world where we do pretty much as we please and bimble along best we can, in a few short months he will be starting his journey into the real world, a new place where I can’t watch his every move and keep him safe.
He is so independent that I’m fairly certain he will run into pre-school without a backwards glance; he isn’t often shy or quiet and he is quite happy to make his feelings known to those around him! However, I know him best out of anyone in this world; I know what makes him happy and sad, how he gets when he’s tired and I can see situation that he will love and ones that will cause us a problem. For the first time he will have to stand on his own two feet, I won’t be in the background encouraging him or giving my warning ‘Lucas’ if I can see he gets that look in his eye. He will have to learn the rules of a new place, learn to listen and respect his teachers, learn how to get on with other children and hopefully it will continue to teach him the concept of sharing and taking turns; something we have many tears over!
I have been anxious to see him go off to nursery as with a birthday right at the end of August he will undoubtedly be one of the youngest. He will begin at the end of September; some children there will already be four and he will have just turned three, it seems so young! This was probably one of my biggest worries but just over the last month I have been able to see changes in him that show me he will be ready for this; he is talking more and more everyday and he tells us how he is feeling, tired, scared…even bored! He loves a good activity and will focus for longer spells, he wanted to write with pens and tell us colours, he picks out his stories and tries his very best at counting. He wants to know what things are in the world around him and he loves to tell us what he sees. As we walked round his nursery I had no trouble picturing him there; we both looked around at things we knew he would love and smiled at the thought of him getting stuck in with the puzzles or sand table.
When I saw the environment he will be going into every afternoon my worries changed into more of an excitement for him, there are things that won’t be easy for him, I’m under no illusions, he will cause mischief at some point, but there will be so much fun too, so much for him to explore, friends to be made and the start of a Lucas without me. Just writing that makes me sad, I’ll miss him so much but it makes it a little easier to see this as the start of a new adventure for him.
I know come September I’ll be dreading that afternoon I have to leave him, he’s my first child, my little boy, I am so proud of him and it’s bittersweet to see him growing up. When we were looking round another Mum said to me ‘it’s great here, my first child loved it’ she must have took pity on me seeing my nervous expression! I told her it would be our first child coming here and she gave me the nicest reassuring smile; I guess every parent feels the fear of letting go but a big part of me looks forward to seeing Lucas begin this new adventure, hopefully this part will sort out the terrified Mummy part!