I’m afraid I don’t write these as regularly as I used to and I have just read your last one and realised how much has changed. This last month seems to have been a tough one. We were having such a good patch over summer and it felt like everything was falling into place but I knew a lot of changes were on the horizon and it was going to change everything again.
You started pre-school in September and even though you are the youngest in the year you just love it, you run into class every day and always seem to be asking me when you are going to school. We had your parents evening last week, our very first one which was a little nerve-wrecking. You teacher and teaching assistants obviously adore you, they told us all about you with such great affection. Most of it was the things we know already that you are feisty and stand up for yourself and that you are happy to just be Lucas and you don’t care what anyone thinks. I love this so much and I hope it never fades. When we stand outside school and I see some of the older children they are already so self-concious and sometimes try to act older than they are but you are content to just be you, you never try to be something you are not. This is so special and I wish I could give you the courage to always be like that.
As much as you love pre-school the change has taken it’s toll, you do get tired and after a bought of illness we are having to start from scratch with the potty training which is such a shame as we thought we had cracked it. I think you are finding it hard with your little brothers suddenly becoming so much more mobile and demanding and of course they get praise and attention. In some ways I am glad that you take it out on us rather than on them but it’s hard when I can see you are so frustrated and you can’t fully express it yet. You have suddenly become scared of the dark and want us to sit with you until you fall asleep which you have never done before. I realise this is a funny stage for you; old enough to do so much yourself we encourage you to be independent yet we still tell you what you can and can’t do and, I suppose, set limits. You can talk to us better than ever but still you can’t express you feelings all the time and that leads to the meltdowns. You are such a determined little thing that I’m sure we will always have moments like this!
The other side to all this is as you are getting older you are becoming so loving; you will sometimes randomly come and tell us you love us or that you’ve missed us when you’ve been at nursery. You can be so sweet that it melts my heart and I know you can have such a sensitive side to you. You call all the children in your class your friends and you never hesitate to go up and talk to them.
You come out with the funniest things now, it’s amazing what you pick up from both of us and it sounds so strange repeated back to us. You often call me a ‘silly billy’ or say ‘don’t panic Mummy.’ You suddenly have a great love for drawing and colouring and I am so amazed as I watch you put your ideas onto paper, everything used to get a face and legs but right now you mostly like to draw roads which are big swirls all round the paper. Whenever you draw a picture for someone it is a road, sometimes with their house on it if they are lucky. I love how we see the things you are learning come out at home; you sing new songs that you’ve learnt in school and you are always counting. When I write words on your pictures you try to copy and you look for letters. Your love of books just gets stronger all the time, I often get a full run down on the story you’ve read at pre-school complete with whether you thought it was scary or happy.
You seem to be changing quickly at the moment; I can see such a massive difference since starting pre-school. Some afternoons I come home and I’ll see something you’ve set up before you left, like lunch for your Playmobil people or a line of cars, and I miss you so much. I hate not knowing what you are getting up to but it has been so good for you. I love to see you grow and I know that these years are so special as you learn your way through the world. I wish I could just stop time for a little bit and keep you as my little boy, so innocent and full of wonder; seeing the world through your eyes makes me a better person and I hope you always see the good like you do now.
All My Love