These are the words uttered from my four year old as he climbs the stairs to go to bed last Sunday night, me and my husband look at each other and sigh. We feel his pain. I wish there was another weekend, I wish we had another two days together. It would be another two days to take it easy, to please ourselves and there would be no rushing.
I’m not sure why but going back to school after Christmas has seemed harder than when he first started in September. I suppose there was a lot of excitement when he started in Reception and it was all new. The weather was so much better too; no cold walks to school in the big coat, no layering up with hats and gloves, no cold toes. He had settled in so well and every week got easier, he loved it and I loved seeing the changes in him. I wrote this as I finally started to feel ok about it and now it feels like we’ve taken a couple of steps backwards.
Every now and again he has a wobble going in and I have to lift him into the door of the classroom while he cries and says he doesn’t want to go. I hate those mornings and dread them as I see his face fall when the classroom door opens. I had a chat to the teacher about it and we both know some of it is tiredness, I feel tired myself with the dark mornings and miserable weather so it’s understandable he feels the same. Some of it is that they don’t get quite as much free time to play now, as the school year goes on they have to prepare them for more ‘work’ and more structured activities. I had to smile when she said that, everything he does in on his terms so I can only imagine the fun they have trying to get him to work.
I have quite a nice routine going at home now with the twins and I love spending the time with them doing the things they’ve missed out on as the second children. However, I still miss Lucas in the week, it’s hard only seeing him for a couple of hours at either side of the day when he’s tired and grumpy. That’s why I look forward to the weekends all the more, not only do we not have to rush out on the school run but he is generally well rested and happy. Most weekends now we let him stay up a little later past his bedtime. He thinks this is the biggest treat ever and asks when we are putting the twins to bed so he can stay up and have a movie night. He chooses something to watch, I have watched Big Hero 6 more times that I care to mention, and I get him a snack tray with popcorn and treats. For so long it was just me and him so I really love those moments when we cuddle up together and forget about bedtimes and school books. At the end of every film we have to get up and dance then he goes off happily to bed.
Even though I am a stay at home mum the school holidays feel like my holidays. As soon as he goes back to school I start the countdown all over again. I look forward to them even though they are crazy; I could never claim that it is perfect harmony when we are all at home but it is still something to enjoy. It is more time with this little boy and when it feels like he is growing up too quickly, it is a week to slow down. I can see those quirks of his that I miss during the manic school week.
This Sunday I’ll be able to tell him that tomorrow isn’t a school day, that we have a whole week together before the word school has to be uttered. We’ll make sure it is a good week!