A Stay At Home Mum

May 9, 2013

Everyone reacts differently when I say that I’m a Stay at home mum; some people think it’s brilliant and others think I’m nuts. That’s fine, everyone is different and I honestly think every parent should be able to do whatever makes them happiest. While I think that for now staying at home and not working is the best thing for me I equally understand that it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I always wanted to stay at home when we started our family but I never thought I would have the opportunity. My mum stayed home with me and my brother as much as possible and I’ve always been grateful for that. After having Lucas I went back to work part time after six months which I found incredibly difficult. As it turned out everything changed and I was able to become the stay at home mum I always wanted to be.

My husband knew that 2012 was going to be his last year in the school he had been working in; he’d been there for six years and felt like it was time to move on. It opened up the discussion of us moving, where we would live, would I be able to continue with my job? I worked as a sales manager and I enjoyed my job; I wouldn’t say it was a calling or a vocation but I was happy. We decided to move back to our home town and closer to parents, brothers, sisters and cousins. Along with childcare costs and commuting my wage would have been gobbled up making the decision for me to stay at home an easy one. I was more than happy with that but there were still worries.

I must admit that the thought of returning to the workforce one day is a scary prospect. I worry that I won’t be easily employed because I have been ‘just a mum’ for so many years. I worry that Lucas doesn’t get enough contact with other people and other children. Some days I feel so isolated, even with many people close to me.  It’s been hard for us to adjust to not having the second income and had we adjusted sooner it wouldn’t have been quite as difficult now. We can’t go out very often and we have to be careful what we buy. I’m not sure when we will ever afford a holiday but I know that it won’t be for ever, it’s just a compromise for now.

I am constantly surprised that I don’t get bored and I don’t regret my decision, not at all. It sometimes seem easier than I thought and then at other times so much harder than I could ever imagine. We have days were we are out exploring or doing activities at home but there are plenty of days when we stay in pyjamas for much longer than is really acceptable and Toy Story is on a loop. I have days when the peace of an office seems like it would be bliss but I really don’t get much time to reflect on the alternatives! I’m sure that by the time Lucas is going to school I’ll be itching to do something different. However, I am so appreciative that I’ve been able to do it now.

I enjoyed my job for 7 years but being at home is where I am happiest. I couldn’t imagine going back to work while Lucas is young. It seems natural to be with him everyday; I want to be the person who knows him best and to watch him grow and learn. I want to be the person he turns to when he is upset or worried. I want to be the one who takes him to nursery that first day and picks him up to hear all about it. I want him to look back and remember me being a part of his childhood.

For every day that isn’t so great we have many moments that are perfect where I can sit back and think how lucky I am to be able to spend all my time getting to know my little boy. There are some days that I will never forget and I am glad I have got to experience them. There are some days when I’m counting down the hours until bedtime! I am conscious that these early years are flying past and I’ll never be able to do them over again;  hopefully in between all my silly mistakes we are making precious memories that we’ll always remember.

Stay At Home Mum

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  • Sarah Greaves

    I’m a stay at home mom aswell, as much as I love my children, if I could afford childcare I would go back to work. I think I think this because I can’t get even a part time job because of the shifts my hubby does. Do you know what I mean?
    I worry about the contact the boys don’t get with other children or people aswell. I don’t go to playgroups & I know I should. Hopefully when G starts nursery in September I will start taking them as will only need eyes for 2 of them then?

    May 11, 2013 at 11:06 pm Reply
    • Hayley Smith

      I can imagine that it so much harder with several children! We love playgroup and it is a lifeline but I don’t know how I would cope with another child, you must never relax! The cost of childcare was a real issue for us, our original child minder was amazing but so expensive. I just love being at home for now 🙂

      May 14, 2013 at 5:27 pm Reply
  • Mum's The Word

    I really love this post as I’m currently wondering about the same thing. When I was young my mum was always at home with us. We were lucky that they could afford for her not to work and she never went back even when we were older. I’ve always thought that I would love to look after my wee one, just as you say, to know her the best and to not miss out on those years flying by. We’re still thinking about it and working out what’s going to be for the best, but my current job I’d have no guarantee what time I could leave at and it’s over 20 miles away from our home. My mum and dad live too far away (30 miles away) so couldn’t look after her and the childcare cost is crazy. We still have a lot of thinking but if we go ahead we will be the same, not able to go out as much and watching what we buy. It is a compromise but one that I’d be willing to take to look after our child and watch her grow. xx

    May 13, 2013 at 8:14 am Reply
    • Hayley Smith

      I think it is so difficult for parents nowadays to make the decision, times are tough for so many families and you always want to do the best for your children. My mum did have to start doing little jobs around us when we went to school but she was always there. I love being at home with Lucas but financially it is a struggle but it’s a Catch 22 for us now with the cost of childcare. I hope you are able to do whatever makes you happiest, sounds like you are being very sensible thinking it all through xx

      May 14, 2013 at 5:32 pm Reply
  • Beth

    Be proud of your proudness! I don’t understand how any could do it but it’s so awesome that you can. I work from home but the work I do is impossible with the girls around, especially my 2yo, so having her in nursery is just perfect! If I worked in an office/had to commute or worked 9-5 5 days a week it simply would not be doable. In fact, if I didn’t do what I do I have NO idea how we’d survive as we couldn’t live just on Andy’s wages!
    There’s absolutely nothing wrong in enjoying your time whilst you can and there’s bound to be a space for you in the market if you do decide to return to work!
    I totally get the isolation thing too – working from home means I rarely do anything but work or babies! Haha x

    May 14, 2013 at 4:46 pm Reply
    • Hayley Smith

      I absolutely could not do any work from home with Lucas around; I completely understand the need for nursery! Occasionaly I’ll try and blog while he is napping or I nip on the computer to link up a post but even that can be tough. It’s a nice compromise though that you get to have a bit of time for yourself and work and time for your children without the 9-5 pressure! I have a cousin who thinks I am totally mad; she couldn’t wait to get back to work but I love that she’s honest about that. It’s great that all mums are different and I really think as long as you are happy the family will be happy xx

      May 14, 2013 at 5:37 pm Reply
  • Emily Foran

    Great post, exactly how I feel about being a stay at home mum. I always wanted to and feel quite privileged to be able. Xx

    May 30, 2013 at 10:33 am Reply
    • Hayley Smith

      Thank you, I know it can be quite a controversial subject but I just love it too!

      June 2, 2013 at 6:33 pm Reply

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