Letting It Sink In

July 15, 2013

Yesterday I announced to you all our news that we are expecting two new additions to our family. We have had nearly a full week now to let the news sink in but I did a little writing when I came back from the scan just to get some things off my chest. So much has changed already in a week and I’ll do another post about my type of twins and how my feelings have changed over the week. Since I wrote this I’ve learnt a lot more (but still not enough) and there have been tears and laughter but I thought I’d put this in, just as I wrote it after the adrenaline had worn off:

I’ve decided to handwrite some of my thoughts as I am too shocked to even move to the computer. Today we found out we are expecting identical twins and other than shock my first thought was happiness but now I’m sitting at home, James has gone back to work and I’m terrified. For every good thought I think I have several that panic me; I’ll have a moment of glee and a moment of anxiety that takes my breath away. I look round our tiny house and think of the most stupidest things, like all the extra washing. Then I look at the scan pictures and I think of two babies, two identical babies, two little bundles to make us into a family of five; what I have always wanted! I look and Lucas and think he won’t know what has hit him and his little world will be turned upside down. 

The funny thing was I was feeling so confident in this pregnancy; confident that I had found my feet as a mum and trusting my body to do what it has to do. Now, I feel like I’ve had the rug pulled from under me; I feel so unprepared and I know nothing about twins. I have quickly learnt that my amount of appointments has quadrupled but my head is a whirlwind I have so many questions. I still think of the littlest things, as if my brain thinks obviously you will will be worried about health, money, space, transport but then I think what if we mix the babies up!

More importantly the scan showed both babies are doing well, looking healthy and I know they will be incredibly loved. I will always worry but nothing could wipe the smile from my face when I see my two scan pictures; I think it’s pretty incredible.

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  • Jen Walshaw

    I haven’t had twins, but I do have friends with twins and my two are only 15 months old. Focus on the good stuff, on the blessings. It will be hard, but it will also be soooo rewarding

    July 15, 2013 at 8:47 pm Reply
    • Hayley Smith

      Thanks Jen, I knew yours were close but didn’t know by how much. Must have been a tough couple of years when they were young. We are looking forward to having a bugger family though.

      July 16, 2013 at 6:44 pm Reply
  • Jenny Paulin

    wow Hayley i completely missed this piece of exciting news!! wow congratualtions firstly on the lovely news that you are pregnant again.
    i do understand your anxieties – i know i have not had twins but i know how my friend felt whe she had a toddler and then discovered she was pregnant with twins. it will be hard work and tiring of course an Lucas will be a bit shell shocked – as will you – but hopefully your family and friends will help out.
    i am sure it will all be fine in the end lovely x x x

    July 17, 2013 at 9:15 pm Reply
    • Hayley Smith

      Thanks Jenny, there have already been some ups and downs but we really are thrilled. In some ways I’m glad this isn’t my first pregnancy/baby as I know what to expect a bit more. There is so much to look forward to so I know that will get us though, as well as all you lovely bloggers! xx

      July 19, 2013 at 2:06 pm Reply
  • Emily Foran

    I can completely sympathise with your moments of terror, I’d definitely be the same. I’m sure all will be fine and it’s going to be amazing and so will you be and Lucas will be utterly besotted with them both 😉 xx

    July 22, 2013 at 11:14 am Reply
    • Hayley Smith

      Thank you, the moments of terror are gradually getting less and less and we are mostly excited about it. Just hoping for a smooth pregnancy and we’ll be happy xx

      July 24, 2013 at 8:26 pm Reply
  • Katie

    It’s nice reading back at how you felt in those early days, it’s a bit of a surprise being told it’s twins isn’t it! Thanks for linking up with #MultipleMadness

    March 10, 2015 at 9:59 pm Reply
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