When the twins came along me and my husband have made an effort to spend time alone with Lucas so he gets a chance to have our full attention. If we had only had one baby this would mean that we would also have had chance to give the youngest some extra one on one time but having twins means that actually this rarely happens. I wrote a post last year about keeping twins individuality and at the time I struggled to imagine a time when we would take them out separately but as they are getting older I can see such massive benefits of spending time with just one twin.
This last week Boo wasn’t napping for as long, or he would fall asleep in the pushchair before Bear and wake up as we got home. This meant he would be able to have me all to his self for half an hour or so. It was a nice day so I was putting the washing out while he pottered around the garden so when I had finished I sat on the grass with him and played and chatted. He was so cute and funny, it’s amazing how different they can both be when they don’t have to compete with each other. There are no little whinges or squabbles, Boo isn’t as independent as Bear so he kept bringing me toys to play with or came to sit on my knee and have a cuddle. He ran through the washing giggling when I shouted peekaboo and just seemed so calm and relaxed. He seems to need that time more than Bear who is more laid back. It was lovely and I saw a totally different side to him, he could really shine when it was just him.
It’s made me realise that I need to make an effort to do things with them individually. For the first year or so with twins it really is just about survival but it is getting easier all the time. I can start to make time for those extra things I couldn’t even envisage when I wrote my post last year. I don’t think we have ever gone out the house with only one twin but we’ve never had to. If I’m honest it would feel quite strange to go out with one and leave one at home but of course there will come a stage when that is inevitable. I want to find the balance between keeping them close as brothers and letting them have time to themselves and I think the key to it is stepping back and treating their relationship in a similar way to how I do between them and Lucas.
I can see that they need that time alone with one of us and I feel like I can see their personalities so much clearer when they are on their own. They will play together well but when I’m around they do tend to squabble, one wants to be the only one on my knee or the only one reading a book or sitting on the chair. Although I always tell them to share I guess that if there was only one of them they wouldn’t have to fight for my attention so much and they would have that time to just be themselves without wondering what the other one was up to.
Having spent a lovely sunny afternoon with Boo I now need to find time to do the same with Bear…and then with Lucas as well! Spending time with one can be just as important as time together as a family.