Happy & Healthy – A New Me

May 13, 2015

 

I keep putting off writing this post, I don’t know why but I’ve found it difficult to write. Maybe part of that is admitting that I was really unhappy with how I looked, admitting to the world that I was overweight and it was all my own doing. I just wanted to feel happy when I looked in the mirror. It has also been a very personal thing for me which can be a little bit scary to share, but at the same time I want to write about it as it has been a big part of the last year of my life.

Starting from the beginning: in June last year my husband took the below photo of me. We had been sent a lovely Ergo Baby carrier to review and I knew I would need some photos. It was super hot and I was feeling really uncomfortable, I kept trying to cover up but it was just too warm. When I came to edit the photos my stomach sank and I just couldn’t feel happy with the images. If I’m honest it was the wake up call I needed! I initially lost weight after having the twins but it had started to creep back on all over again. I remember buying that stripy vest top in a size 18 and expecting it to be a little loose, which it wasn’t! It was time to change and I knew that I was ready to do something about it.

Ergobaby

 

I spoke to my husband and said I just had to go back to Slimming World, that I wasn’t happy with how I looked and I really needed to make some changes in my lifestyle. He has always been incredibly supportive of me however I looked but it doesn’t help your relationship when your own self esteem is low. It wasn’t just about my appearance, I felt uncomfortable; I lost confidence whenever we went out. I hated being like that in front of my boys, feeling tired and achy. I didn’t want them to see me unhappy with myself or not being able to run after them: chasing them around and playing with them the way I should be.

I have been to Slimming World in the past.  When I first moved in with my husband I put a lot of weight on. It was a bit of a low period for me, my parents were going through a divorce which led to my relationship with my Father breaking down. I definitely used food as a comfort and it’s only now that I’ve realised just how much I have always done that. I initially lost weight for our wedding but I still wasn’t a size I was 100% happy with. After having Lucas I went back again but I knew we’d be having more children in the future so I didn’t put everything into it. This time I really felt like it was it, I was ready to change. There was nothing in particular I was doing it for, no event or holiday. This was just something I wanted desperately to do. I was fed up of looking through my wardrobe in despair, still wearing maternity clothes because they were comfortable. I avoided mirrors, I didn’t want to be in any photos even with the boys because I didn’t like looking at them.

I joined one day in June last year and instantly felt better. Something felt different this time and I think I’ve finally adopted the idea that this is it now, this is the food I want to eat. And not only that but this is the food I enjoy. I’ve lost just over 3 stone now and I have another few pounds to go until my final target is reached. In 10 months I’ve gone from a size 16/18 to a 10/12. I’ve completely changed my relationship with food: I’ve always cooked homemade meals and they’ve always been pretty healthy but for me personally I need to go and get weighed each week to keep me going. It stops me from over indulging on chocolate and wine. I now have my little treats when I really want them rather than just eating them because they are there. I’ll buy us a couple of slices of cake, a bottle of wine or little bars of chocolate rather than gorging on the naughty stuff. My real weakness is pizza and if I want it I’ll damn well have it! There is no sense depriving yourself but I have to be prepared not to lose weight that week. And that really is fine – this is the first time I’ve seen this as being just how I eat, how I will always eat. Some days/weeks maybe won’t be so great and that’s okay because I will always get back on it.

I’m pleased with my size now but I have a little way to go with toning. So far my only exercise has been walking to pre-school with Lucas – I reckon I do about four miles each day – and a Zumba class once a week. I’m ready to try something a little more challenging now, maybe Yoga or Pilates. My stomach, quite rightly, bears signs of a twin pregnancy and c-section so my final goal would be to tone that up, but as for my weight and dress size, I’m perfectly happy with where I am right now.

Weight loss - Before & After

I still don’t really know what to do with myself in photos, losing weight hasn’t helped me with that one.

 

Surprisingly, or at least it has been to me, the thing I love the most about the weight loss is not the physical appearance but it’s how I feel. I have so much more energy, I feel like I can run and play chase with the boys and I can make it up the stairs without getting out of breath. My knees and my back no longer ache and I feel like I have a spring back in step. It’s just how I want my boys to see me, to remember me, as someone fun, who was confident and happy in herself.

That has been the most remarkable thing that this new healthy lifestyle has brought me. It doesn’t make you instantly happier to look in the mirror and see a slimmer you, in a lot of ways in my head I still think of myself as bigger. I buy size 12 clothes convinced that I will get them home and they won’t fit. I look at photos of myself and still feel surprised that I’m slimmer than the image in my head. I feel better now than I have in maybe eight years. It is hard to admit that you don’t like the look of yourself, that you really have let yourself become too overweight. To be able to reach out for the support and help can sometimes be even harder.

Weekend

I haven’t shared any part of my journey on my blog or social media before because basically I’m crap under pressure. I kept it quiet from most people only telling them as they started to notice the changes. This was something I just wanted to do for myself and I feel proud of what I’ve achieved so it finally felt right to share. I have been putting off sharing this story for months as writing about weight loss is such an emotive subject for me. Being a bigger woman has been so linked into my personality for so long I kind of feel like I’m finding out about myself all over again. I find it hard to look back at these photos but I try not to look at them with regret. I’ve made the changes now and it has made the world of difference to me, I feel healthy and I’m starting to feel truly happy in my own skin.

Hayley & Luca

 

Let's Talk Mommy
Beau Twins

 

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54 Comments

  • Vicki

    Hayley, you know I think you look incredible & what you have achieved in less than a year is inspirational. You have such determination & it has paid off! x

    May 13, 2015 at 8:48 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Ah, thank you Vicki! It’s been so lovely having you motivating and encouraging me, I really do appreciate it! xx

      May 13, 2015 at 10:28 am Reply
  • Mini Travellers

    Hayley that’s fabulous you look amazing and you must be so proud. I think you are gorgeous inside and out. Well done you xx

    May 13, 2015 at 9:11 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you Karen, that is very sweet. It was a difficult one for me to share so I really do appreciate your comment! xx

      May 13, 2015 at 10:28 am Reply
  • Beth @ Twinderelmo

    This is the perfect post to read today. I have just started Slimming World as I am desperately unhappy with my weight. I hate the way I look and know it’s all my own fault with pure indulgent greed
    I hope to look and feel as great as you. I thought you looked just gorgeous at BlogCamp xx

    May 13, 2015 at 9:50 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thanks Beth, that is really sweet! I think you look fantastic but I know that it is such a personal thing and feeling happy in yourself can be so easily linked to your weight. I have loved doing Slimming World, it really works for me and I hope you enjoy it too! Will be keeping up to date with your posts and good look xx

      May 13, 2015 at 10:27 am Reply
  • Seychellesmama

    You look amazing, but what’s so lovely to read is how good you’re feeling about yourself and how much energy you have that’s really good 🙂
    Xx

    May 13, 2015 at 10:45 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thanks Chantelle, it really has much such a difference to my whole perspective and givin me so much more energy. I wish I had done it sooner to be honest!

      May 13, 2015 at 6:30 pm Reply
  • Notmyyearoff

    You look amazing Hayley but then I think you always look amazing :). But WOW, 3 stones is fantastic and really well done for doing it gradually. I think slow and steady is the only way to really do it if you want to keep it off as its about changing lifestyle as well and keeping to it isn’t it? Brilliant post!

    May 13, 2015 at 11:15 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Aww thank you, yes it has had to be slow and steady and I’ve done it in my own time. Like you say you can’t have a quick fix when this is how you want to be for life! I do feel so much more comfortable now and although people may think I didn’t look bad before it was too much for me! Thank you for lovely comment Tas xx

      May 13, 2015 at 8:55 pm Reply
  • Mardy Kerrie

    You look fantastic. You’re right it’s all about how you feel too – as I get older I get more confident but I want to be able to run after the kids and also wear a dress that I feel and look good in. You have done so well – I’m trying to follow your example 🙂 xxx

    May 13, 2015 at 12:00 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      You are doing amazing Kerrie, I could see a difference straight away. I think just taking it slow has really helped for me, like you say when you start to feel nice in your clothes it is fab, or suddenly you realise you can chase the kids without getting out of breath! Love seeing you updates xx

      May 13, 2015 at 8:57 pm Reply
  • Lauryn

    What a great post! Hayley you look fantastic! I thought you looked very slim when I saw you at BlogOn 🙂 Well done you and Congratulations! xx

    May 13, 2015 at 12:16 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you Lauryn, that really means a lot. Getting fitter is the next thing to aim for xx

      May 13, 2015 at 8:59 pm Reply
  • teacuptoria

    Hi Hayley, Omg you’ve done so well in a year!! You must have worked so hard. A huge well done. I really admire you for setting your mind to it and doing it. I think I saw you at BlogonMosi? I hadn’t really been over to your blog then but I remember saying to myself what a pretty lady you were. Lots of luck, I hope you continue to enjoy the benefits and stay motivated. xx

    May 13, 2015 at 12:45 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you for such a lovely comment. Yes, I think I did see you at Blog On but I didn’t know it was you! That is really kind of you, it’s strange because even though it hasn’t been easy I wouldn’t say it was awfully hard either, maybe the rewards outweigh the tough parts 🙂 xx

      May 13, 2015 at 9:02 pm Reply
  • Katy

    Wow Hayley I honestly had no idea! Having met you at Karens I only have that picture of you in my mind. You have lost so much, good on you!!!!!! x

    May 13, 2015 at 1:08 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Haha, that’s why I had to write it Kate so people who see me now realise that don’t just think I’m slim without any effort…there is effort!! Thank you lovely xx

      May 13, 2015 at 9:05 pm Reply
  • Kat | Beau Twins

    This is a brilliant, motivating and inspirational post. I’ve been like you and not happy but I’ve now lost 5 stone. You look absolutely beautiful lovely lady. I still want to lose 2 more stone. We’ll see how I get on. May have to try slimming world. I hear so many great thinks. Can’t wait for you to link this up and inspire others in the same position. Well done gorgeous. Xxxx

    May 13, 2015 at 1:15 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Wow, 5 stone Kate, that is incredible. I wouldn’t have even known you had that to loose but I think getting fit and healthy is such an individual journey. Thank you so much for lovely comment xxx eek…I jumped the gun with your linky logo but will be excitingly joining in next week! xxx

      May 13, 2015 at 9:07 pm Reply
  • Leigh - Headspace Perspective

    Wow, well done Hayley! That’s an impressive achievement. You look fabulous. Sounds like you’ve got the right balance with not completely depriving yourself of naughty stuff too – life is too short xxx

    May 13, 2015 at 2:13 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you so much Leigh, I agree – I love the naughty stuff too much to cut it all out, it’s all about balance! xxx

      May 13, 2015 at 9:08 pm Reply
  • Tina

    Congrats on your weight loss!!! You look so beautiful!! It’s so hard to admit to yourself that you’re unhappy with your appearance and have the courage to work hard to change it. It feels like it’s a lot easier to lay around and feel bad about yourself until that moment when you’re like ENOUGH and make a change, and then it’s so much easier than you thought it would be. So proud of you 🙂

    May 13, 2015 at 3:05 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Aww Tina, what a lovely comment, thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate it! Yes, enough was definitely enough and I have been thinking, why didn’t I do this years ago?! Haha, Thank you xx

      May 13, 2015 at 9:09 pm Reply
  • Isabella @ Fairies & Pirates

    Wow, you’ve done so so well. It’s a real inspiration! I think when it clicks, it just clicks, and you can only lose weight long term for yourself. You should be really proud of yourself, you look amazing! #sharewithme

    May 13, 2015 at 7:57 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you, you are so right I really had to do it just for myself in the end. Thank you so much for comment, I’m so glad it did finally click!! xx

      May 13, 2015 at 9:10 pm Reply
  • mummyofboygirltwins

    Wow what an honest post, and I had no idea. But you look so happy and fabulous to me all the time that I’d never have known. You do need to feel good about yourself and if that is exercise or eating more healthy then that’s great. As everyone has said already, it’s about loving yourself and then you’ll be your most confident. Go you xxxxxx

    May 13, 2015 at 9:42 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thanks so much Jess, I know I feel like I should write it for people who only know me the size I am now. I hardly ever posted any full length photos of me on the blog so I kind of wanted to go on the record and say that it takes effort for me to look this way, haha! xxxx

      May 14, 2015 at 8:17 am Reply
  • Not A Frumpy Mum

    Hayley, you look amazing and well done you for all the hard work. I think it is all about confidence when it comes to weight and appearance. I know that when I have put on a few pounds (self inflicted by wine and chocolate) I feel low and it really makes me feel down.
    I’m really glad you decided to share this post, I’m sure it will be an inspiration to lots of people reading xxx

    May 13, 2015 at 9:47 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thanks Jo, that really means a lot! I think you are right, it was getting my down in so many ways and I can only really see it now looking back. Just feel so much more positive about everything now! Still love my wine and chocolate though 🙂 xx

      May 14, 2015 at 8:19 am Reply
  • Katie @mummydaddyme

    Hayley you look incredible. You looked beautiful before but what a happy and inspirational post. Your outlook to weight loss sounds similar to mine. My weakness is definitely pizza, it’s my favourite thing, but now I try and eat in moderation rather than eat it all the time- same goes with the sweet stuff, snacking in the evenings is my weakness. I go through phases when I am really good and then phases like at the moment, where I am not so motivated. But I will never go back to how I was. You look amazing and you should be so proud of yourself- how inspiring. x

    May 13, 2015 at 10:23 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you so much, I really do appreciate your comment Katie! Haha, you are just like me pizza and chocolaty snacks, like you say I still enjoy them just not all the time. I don’t know what I was thinking eating the way I was, I will never go back to that either. I have found your fitness journey so inspiring, it really does help to read your journey too xx

      May 14, 2015 at 8:27 am Reply
  • Lisa@intotheglade

    You look beautiful!! It does take courage to face it and bravery to tackle it. I did the same during the long summer break between first and second years at uni. I lost three stone and touch wood have managed to keep most (!?!?) of it off. Well done Hayley for finding the courage and the determination xxxx

    May 13, 2015 at 11:16 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Wow Lisa that’s amazing!! Well done you, this is it now I will keep this off, obviously there will be times when I put a little on but never, ever am I going back to what I was! Thank you so much for your comment xx

      May 14, 2015 at 8:28 am Reply
  • Jenna

    Ah, Hayley this post is so inspiring and I think it was very brave of you to share your story. You are absolutely beautiful and I hope this weightloss has given you a confidence boost. I totally understand how you feel about not wanting to share your journey with people. I started slimming word 7 weeks ago and I haven’t told anyone (in ‘real life’) except my other half. I’m not after a big weightloss but I feel I will be happier to back to my pre-pregnancy weight again. Like you, I didn’t put weight on during pregnancy but it was afterwards – I eat when I’m bored and lonely (which is quite often when I’m at home on my own all day). The SW plan is starting to become second nature now and I know what the right choices are from day to day – I just hope I can stick at it.

    Well done, you should be so proud of yourself. 🙂 xxx

    May 14, 2015 at 12:16 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      I’m sure you will Jenna, it is quite easy to stick with I think because it is always there to pick up with you have a bad day or week and that is what keeps the weight off me now, I always go back to eating healthily rather than carrying on gorging myself! I think if you are doing it for yourself you don’t have to share with people, it is quite nice to just keep doing it quietly, good luck with yours I’m sure you will do well on it. Thank you for your lovely comment too, it was quite a scary one for me to post so I really appreciate it xxx

      May 15, 2015 at 4:42 pm Reply
  • Jess @ Along Came Cherry

    You look beautiful Hayley, as you did before but I can totally understand how you felt. I put on a lot of weight when I first started going out with Mr C. All we used to do was go out and drink pints of beer then lie in bed all weekend and eat! I can remember seeing a photo of myself and being in total shock, I was in denial in my head about how big I actually was. It is hard though because for so many people food is so much more than a way of getting energy. I can never not have a snack in the evening even when I’m not hungry, it’s like the idea of eating is always there in the back of my mind! Well done though, you’ve done amazingly well and all in under a year! xx

    May 16, 2015 at 7:07 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you Jess, such a lovely comment. That is exactly what happened to me and I look back and think, ‘what was I thinking?’ The thing is as well that a persons size and shape is so individual so the size I’m happy with someone else might not be. It is strange how food is linked to so many other things than just being hungry and I guess a lot of this for me has been about learning to recognise that. I couldn’t ever go back now, just so much happier. Thank you xxx

      May 16, 2015 at 7:50 am Reply
  • Another Bun

    You look fantastic. I love seeing ‘normal’ people being successful at losing weight, especially super busy mums. Good luck with the next part of your journey

    May 16, 2015 at 8:45 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you, I wanted to post this as I have found so many other’s stories inspiring. Like you said someone ‘normal’ doing it makes it feel achievable!

      May 18, 2015 at 8:56 pm Reply
  • SArah Christie

    omg Hayley how did you keep this quiet you are so tiny and look incredible well done you for sharing this will inspire so many other people, I lost a stone last year and blogged my weight weekly to keep myself under pressure so I had to stick to it, its funny how we are all so different. You look amazing beautiful lady xxx

    May 16, 2015 at 10:20 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you so much Sarah, I can’t tell you how much comments like this mean to me when it was such a difficult post to write. I think whatever weight you have to lose you still have to go about it in the best way for you, it is so great too that you could set your targets and see the journey as you wrote about it! xxx

      May 18, 2015 at 8:57 pm Reply
  • Jenny

    Huge huge congrats to you. And you know I think you look amazing and always have but so proud of you and glad you feel so much better abut yourself because that’s what matters most not how you look but how you feel. I am so proud of you for sharing your journey. It motivates and inspires others hunny. Way to go! Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    May 18, 2015 at 2:01 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you Jenny, you definitely gave me the kick up the bum to finally finish and press publish! It means so much to me to have so many supportive comments and I really do feel so much more like ‘me’ now. I wish I had done it sooner! Thank you so much lovely x

      May 18, 2015 at 9:01 pm Reply
  • Kerry - Noah & the Girls

    Wow – you look amazing! Well done 🙂 in struggling to lose all the weight is like to after Elodie and have a weakness for pizza too! And crisps. Cheese. Nuts. Bread. Oh and a beer 🙁 I may be trying the weight loss thing for a while xx

    May 19, 2015 at 7:11 am Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Pizza is my major downfall! I found it easier after I knew I was done having children because I thought that would be it for life now. Thank you for your comment xx

      May 21, 2015 at 10:39 am Reply
  • Caro | The Twinkles Mama

    LOVE this sweetheart!!! You look amazing but the fact that you feel amazing is the main thing. I’m totally the same. I’ve lost around 2 and a half stone since having the boys. I’ve done it without bells and whistles and only with the support of my boy. Sometimes you need to just go and do something — without the added pressure of everyone knowing — to feel as though you can take the bull by the horns and tackle it properly.

    I will never be a skinny minnie — I’ve always had a big arse and chunky legs — but at least I feel nice about myself now! And with the added bonus that this amazing body carried TWO babies at once!!! It deserves to have a break really!! I should be a bit kinder to it 😉 xxx

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

    May 19, 2015 at 4:55 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Ah Caro, thank you so much. Gosh, you look amazing! I could see you’d lost a little weight but I would never have known it was so much, I’m just the same I will never ever be super skinny but I am so happy with how I am now. It’s such a personal thing for and I know people who look amazing at a size 18 or a size 8 it’s just about what you are comfortable with. Love that you just went and did it too, you’re such a beauty xxx

      May 21, 2015 at 10:43 am Reply
  • Kat | Beau Twins

    I know I’ve commented before but wow. You have done incredibly well lovely lady. You must be feeling amazing. You are super mum. It’s not easy having 3 and trying to focus on losing weight. Thank you for linking this wonderful post to #WellbeingWednesday 🙂 xxx

    May 20, 2015 at 8:09 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you darling, I can’t even tell you how nervous I was about this post so you lovely comments mean the world to me xxx

      May 21, 2015 at 10:46 am Reply
  • Angela at Daysinbed.com

    A brilliant post Haley. You’ve done really well and look fantastic! So pleased for you and following in your footsteps. Angela x

    May 20, 2015 at 9:43 pm Reply
    • hayleyfromhome

      Thank you Angela, although I kept quiet about the start of it all I loved reading posts like this for inspiration so I hope it helps a little! xx

      May 21, 2015 at 10:47 am Reply
  • Chantal Milk&Nappies

    Well done!! You look amazing but more importantly you’re feeling amazing! xx

    May 23, 2015 at 8:46 am Reply
  • Steph Martin

    I think you look amazing, you have done fantastic! So glad to hear you are feeling good too, which is the main thing! Plus always helps to have more energy with the little ones. Honestly you look fab! xx

    June 2, 2015 at 11:01 am Reply
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