How these little boys are two already? I just don’t know! When they were tiny babies I remember wondering what it would be like when they reached this age and now it is here it seems a little surreal that I have two, two year olds running around our house every day. I wrote about my newborn experience with twins when they were just 21 weeks, so around five months, when I read it back now I still agree with it all. I look at it and think of how far we have come, it all seems a little hazy when I try to conjure up those days of bottles, bouncers and sleepsuits. I know I went through them but the memories are a little dreamlike.
I do remember that I barely left the house those first few months, the first year actually! When Lucas started pre-school that meant we were out every day taking him to and from school but it also meant there wasn’t much time for anything else around the half-day school run. Now we can do more, I can take them to playgroups and up to the park…anywhere that is contained! I must admit I am still happy to stay in, and so are the boys, it doesn’t bother me to have to cosy up indoors. It does mean though that the weekends are what I look forward to the most. Those days when we can get out and do something as a family. I remember the weekends being just more rotation of bottles, nappy changes, maybe one of us trying to fit in a nap. Now we can head out the house without wondering if everyone has been fed, I can pack a small rucksack, we don’t always need the buggy, we can eat out without too much trouble. In so many ways like that it gets easier and yet I have had days were I thought it is so much harder with toddler twins.
My twins are good, really good, so much better than Lucas was at this age. That doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced the public meltdown. Not much phases me now but a couple of times we’ve had to leave playgroup early because they’ve been running riot and I can’t physically stop them both. We go to leave and I’ve had one running up and down the foyer while I try to prise the other off the floor and into his coat. Although I try to keep my cool every now and then I have the panic that one will get away and I stand in between the two trying to figure out which is more likely to get into trouble or hurt themselves and which I can get to quicker. I remember when I had tiny babies seeing twin mums with older children and seeing what they can do and thinking how do they ever manage?!
When the twins were 12 months we definitely turned a corner but it is only now I think that we can truly relax and enjoy the days out. At first we were just doing them to go somewhere…to get out; a few were disasters and then things just seemed to fall into place and before I knew it we were having fun. I can’t tell you when that changed but it gets easier all the time. This is one of the first really special days out like that I remember, when we let them all walk around the park. The photos are some of my favourites and me and my husband were able to sit back and watch them all play together. Seeing them outdoors, having fun together makes me happier than I can explain. I think maybe because we were cooped up for so long I get a bit emotional seeing what we can actually do now. It keeps that Mummy guilt at bay a little bit more, stops me feeling bad about all the things we didn’t do with them that we did with Lucas at this age.
A lot of the time it is madness, complete and utter madness but I think as long as we embrace it we are doing ok. A few days ago the boys were up to their usual malarkey; getting stuck in the curtains, running down the hall and bouncing off the doors, I think someone was stuck behind a chair. We just turned to each other and laughed, laughed until we cried. Sometimes our life just seems absurd, I don’t even know what we found so funny. It was as if we looked at each other and in an instant knew the other was about to say something about never thinking our life would be like this.
And of course I’d never change it, I can’t even express how lucky I feel to have these boys. It never crossed my mind that this would be our family but it is and it is perfect for us. I still have days where I am exhausted and I can’t wait for them to go to bed but once they are tucked in and the house is quiet I am always looking forward to the morning, to another day with them, to see their smiles and laughter and even watch the squabbles. I wouldn’t change any of it.