Life hasn’t been very exciting recently, it’s hard to sit down and blog when there isn’t much happening. We just checked our calender and realised that Lucas has been ill for the last month, crazy that it has taken him that long to get over whatever horrible virus had struck him down but I’m keeping everything crossed that we’ve seen the back of it now.
Just before the schools broke up he managed two half days and two full days in which was the most time he’d managed in over three weeks. I’m usually counting down to the school holidays ready with lots of plans for days out and places to explore but this time I just wanted them to come so I didn’t have to think about coaxing Lucas into school for another day. After all the time off even when he was feeling better the walk to school was becoming a battle, as soon as he woke up he’d start with the excuses as to why he couldn’t go in.
He was still tired and irritable and truthfully I really felt for him, I just wanted to say he could stay at home with me. I know I’ve had those days were I’d felt sick at the thought of going into school or work. I don’t know many adults who haven’t at some point experienced that anxiety about facing another day somewhere you dread walking into. And yet more often than not once you’ve forced yourself to go through the motions, things are actually okay. I moved high schools when I was 11, we’d moved for my Dad’s job and I went to a school in North Wales and then came back to my old school two years later. I remember giving my parents so much grief over it, the move both ways, I really hated the new school but then I didn’t want to come back, so afraid that it would all be different. One day I’d fallen down the stairs in the morning and that afternoon I’d used it as an excuse to leave my Welsh lesson and go to the school nurse complaining of a bad back. My mum came to pick me up and took me to a cafe to have a chat and cheer me up. I’m sure she knew I wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d said I was; Mums always know don’t they? She’d taken pity on me, she would never allow me to stay off school unless I was genuinely ill, I knew that. This moment was almost as if we were in agreement that sometimes life sucks.
It’s is something I’ve often thought about, I can picture that cafe so clearly and ordering a buttery jacket potato with cheese and sitting across from my Mum. No matter how much I must have driven her mad she was always there to talk, always.
I’d been finding quiet moments with Lucas to talk about what was worrying and ease his fears. I’m not sure it always works, sometimes he just gets more worked up and it’s hard for him to find the right words to express himself. He’s a riot of emotions at the best of times but even worse when he’s tired. As much as I wished I could give in and let him stay off I knew it wasn’t the solution in the long run so I’d spend the morning in negotiations with a irrational four year old before eventually just having to bundle him out the door and get going knowing we were facing tears at school.
These holidays couldn’t come soon enough and we have been five little hermits really, staying close to home and spending a lot of time indoors. Lucas has needed it. Towards the end of this week he started to get excited about going out again. Now he is asking what we are doing the next day so I’m hoping the last week of these holidays we can make up for the quiet week in. Sometimes life forces you to slow down, and it isn’t all that bad when you do but I still can’t wait to see this little one running around outdoors again.